Well, today started out with a waking up from a good nights rest. A warm bubble bath and then a great holiday with my sister's family and my own.
We had a wonderful time. Even I had a great time with no alcohol. Other's were drinking but I really wasn't tempted. My sister is a wonderful industrious person who is always busy and gives to others all the time. She makes me look like such a lazy sloth. I haven't had much time to spend with her lately, I had chosen to stay home and drink myself sorry or into oblivion. I am not her and honestly don't want to be, she seems to over achieve to make herself feel worthy. Though, her over activity isn't bad in and of itself, it drives me crazy that she feels in order to feel worthy, she has to outwork, out clutter, out give everyone. I drink to feel better, she over achieves. I guess that considering the outcome of both, she is one up on me.
Two year's ago, I chose to go to a 30 day rehab. I did enjoy it, but my folks at home, husband & family thought I was crazy. Again, it seems easier to continue drinking in private than to try to stop drinking. I loved the folks I met and felt I did learn more about myself. I lied to everyone other than family about where I was. Others at the facility had many visitors and it really seemed like they had support - I know, it always seems better looking in at the life of someone else, but it really seemed they did. They were of course mostly guys and younger at that. I'm sure that has something to do with it. I didn't want pity but I also didn't want to feel the shame that I felt wanting them to visit. Oh, well, such is life.
One moment at a time, one moment in time. That's all I have to survive. I can do this, I pray I really can.
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